Out of a desire to help others avoid or navigate abuse, survivors[1] often ask how they might begin sharing their story.[2] After all they’ve endured, many survivors are concerned that their suffering not be overlooked, undervalued, or perceived as wasted. They hope to redeem the harm done and replace what has been stolen by using what was ugly, sinful, and temporary to accomplish something beautiful, righteous, and lasting.
These desires, I believe, echo God’s heart. We worship a God who has long been in the business of redemption, exchanging evil for good. To purposefully leverage one’s own suffering for the sake of another is, in essence, to emulate God’s redemptive nature toward humanity as a whole. While this is a high calling every believer should take seriously, the survivor community, having personally experienced grave injustice, seems to feel an especially acute and urgent sense of this God-given redemptive responsibility.
Thinking about survivor stories, I believe there are three primary spheres in which God may use our suffering experiences for good in His world and ultimately for the glory of His name: personally, interpersonally, and publicly.
First, God uses our experiences of abuse for our own personal good. That is to say, we are the initial benefactors of His redemptive work in our dark seasons of suffering.[3] How does God accomplish this? How could we possibly benefit from his redeeming work in our abuse? The answers to such questions are not always readily apparent, which is why I’ve chosen to start here. Because God intervenes in our suffering to redeem our survivor stories, we have the personal opportunity to:
Fellowship with Him – When we suffer as innocent victims, we have the opportunity to more intimately identify with and understand our innocent, suffering Savior (Philippians 3:8-11; 1 Peter 4:12-19).
Depend on Him – As victims who have long been controlled by another, we are well-acquainted with relinquishing control. As we take back control from our evil, self-serving abusers, God can teach our hearts to instead depend on His good, kind, sovereign control over our lives (Psalm 24:1-2, 37:23-24; Proverbs 16:4; Romans 8:28-30; Ephesians 1:11-12; Colossians 1:17; Hebrews 1:3, 4:13).
Witness His Provision – In seasons of want, we see God’s provision and sustaining grace in up-close and personal ways we may not otherwise have noticed in seasons of plenty (Psalm 23:1, 37:25-26; Matthew 6:25-34; Philippians 4:11-20).
Exercise and Expand Our Faith – Suffering stretches us in ways comfort (though a good gift) simply doesn’t. As a result we grow in our ability to exercise and expand our faith in who God is (Hebrews 11).
Grow in Complete Character – As a result of exercising and expanding our faith in who God is, we grow in spiritual maturity, becoming more complete (like Christ) in character (Romans 5:1-5; James 1:2-4; 1 Peter 1:6-7).
Long for Christ’s Return – Having experienced much of the dark evil this world has to offer, survivors of abuse tend to have a more accurate assessment of this world than most. This earth and its inhabitants are cursed, and justice is often limited or, in some cases, altogether nonexistent. Thankfully, Christ will one day return, and with Him will come true justice and total restoration (Isaiah 65:17-19; Romans 8:18- 25; 2 Corinthians 4:16-5:5; Revelation 22:12).
In her book, Called to Peace, Joy Forrest, a biblical counselor and advocate who has personally experienced these redemptive realities, reflects on her own survivor story:
“Even though I would have never chosen to suffer as I did, I came to realize that suffering had done something beautiful in my life. Before, I said I trusted God, but I lived in constant fear. After my trials brought me to the end of every human resource, I found Him to be entirely trustworthy and was able to joyfully surrender my life to His loving care. I often tell people I would never have chosen that path of suffering, but I am so grateful for it, because if I hadn’t experienced it, I wouldn’t know Him the way I do now. Nothing in this world is more precious than knowing Him! The more I came to know Him and His truth, the freer I became."[4]
Though survivors are presented with an opportunity to witness God redeem their suffering firsthand, that redemption is not always immediately obvious. In order to recognize these personal goods being exchanged for the evils we’ve faced, a healing process must occur. This healing process takes time and requires us to carefully consider our suffering experiences in light of what we know is true from Scripture. As you reflect on your own personal story, here are some questions to guide you:
How have I come to better understand Christ’s innocent suffering as a result of my own?
How have I learned to depend more fully on God’s good, kind, sovereign control in my life?
How have I seen God provide for me in this season of suffering?
How have I had to exercise or expand my faith in who God is?
How have I grown in Christlike character?
How have I grown in my longing for Christ’s return?
If you are a survivor and you have not yet begun the healing process or if you are struggling to continue on the long (and sometimes lonely) road of redemption, please know you do not have to journey alone. I’d encourage you to seek out a safe friend, qualified counselor, and/or victim care ministry[5] to come alongside you as you process the abuse you’ve experienced and begin to recognize God’s redemptive work in your own life.
Finally, as you consider the abuse you’ve endured, please don’t underestimate or overlook the important ways God is redeeming your story for your own personal good. Though quiet and at times almost imperceptible, these personal effects are in no way less significant than the interpersonal or public effects a survivor’s story may have. These private, internal workings of God’s redemptive plan are in fact the very foundation necessary to, one day, by His grace, have redemptive interpersonal and public influence (should a survivor choose to pursue such opportunities).
Next week I’ll be writing about the ways God may use survivor stories interpersonally.
[1] Throughout this series of blog posts, I’m assuming these survivors are not currently living under the oppressive weight of abuse and are now safe and in the process of healing. This is not to say the Lord cannot or will not use experiences of abuse for good while abuse is still occurring, but that if abuse is currently taking place, priority should be placed on the safety and sanity of the victim as well as necessary confrontation and consequences for the abuser.
[2] I don’t mean to suggest all survivors must share their stories. The choice to disclose abuse (past or present) is a deeply personal decision made only after much careful consideration, safety planning, prayer, and (if available) wise, knowledgeable counsel. The cost of disclosing, for some, may be greater than the gain. Each survivor must individually and realistically weigh the possible benefits against probable backlash.
[3] This is not to say abuse, itself, is a personal good or that abuse in any way benefits us. Abuse in any and all forms is evil and harmful and should be avoided or resisted whenever possible.
[4] Called to Peace: A Survivor’s Guide to Finding Peace and Healing After Domestic Abuse by Joy Forrest, Page 56.
[5] I have listed below some of my favorite victim/survivor care resources:
Called to Peace Ministries, founded by advocate and biblical counselor Joy Forrest, offers free support groups to victims and survivors and helps women respond to, navigate, and find healing after abuse.
Sydney Millage is a gifted author, domestic abuse advocate, and biblical counselor who’s book, Sanctuary: Hope and Help for Victims of Domestic Abuse, “provides practical descriptions, help, and hope for women who are suffering and those who long to help.”
Leslie Vernick is an author, and licensed clinical social worker and relationship coach. She offers a wide variety of practical resources to help women grow in their CORE strength as they respond to and heal from abuse.
Darby Strickland is a biblical counselor and author who addresses various issues of domestic abuse, especially sexual abuse in marriage.
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