Last week I began a three-part series exploring the redemptive ways in which God may use survivor stories. I was initially compelled to write on this topic because at PeaceWorks, we receive emails regularly from survivors asking how they might begin sharing their stories. Understandably, these women are passionate about abuse prevention and intervention and want to do something tangible about the injustices they've experienced. For many survivors, their abuse story is one of the most empowering weapons of resistance they possess. Often the women I've spoken with though, seem to feel burdened by a certain level of societal pressure to create some kind of platform or public ministry to guarantee that their story be validated or made useful. This trend has surprised and saddened me. I’ve been privileged to witness survivor stories being powerfully wielded against injustice within small, intimate circles of influence as well as large, public contexts and I firmly believe both have immense value to Christ’s Church today.
If you haven’t read Part One of this series, I’d encourage you to go back and start there because the personal effects I’ve already written about are foundational to a survivor’s effectiveness in the broader interpersonal and public spheres of storytelling. As Christians, one of our primary goals in sharing our stories should be to point others to the glorious God we worship as we tell of who He’s shown Himself to be and what He’s done in our lives, especially in seasons of suffering (Psalm 9:1-2, 9-12; 34:3; 66:16; 105:2). We can do this by incorporating redemptive themes (such as light’s contrast to darkness, hope found in hopeless circumstances, or renewal amidst devastation) into the factual narratives of our abuse experiences. If we fail to identify and keep such themes in view, our stories may shrink down to nothing more than a painful log of our abuser’s transgressions and our personal traumas which, on their own, have very little redemptive value. Reports of man’s depravity and the suffering it causes can be heard simply by turning on the news. People already know the world is messed up. But when the bleak realities of abuse are recounted within a greater redemptive narrative, they point us to something glorious, something otherworldly. They point us to the very source of light, hope, and renewal: God, the Redeemer, Himself. The human heart longs for such stories. But, if we, the storytellers, are unable to personally recognize God’s gracious fingerprints of redemption marking our suffering stories, how can we expect our hearers, whether they be ten or ten thousand, to recognize them either?
This week we’ll look at the interpersonal ways God can use a survivor’s story for great good. These effects are most often felt within the close communities in which God has sovereignly given us positions of influence. These communities may include our families, friendships, churches, workplaces, or neighborhoods. It’s in the context of these everyday relationships that we are given opportunities to leverage our survivor stories for compassion, care, and even confrontation.
COMPASSION
By God’s grace, compassion for other abuse victims can grow in survivors as a critical component of our character. In this way, our own redemptive stories progressively inform how we redemptively interact with the world around us. This compassion manifests itself in two primary ways.
Awareness and Recognition: Having experienced abuse firsthand, our hyper-vigilant ears and eyes are, like it or not, often tuned to the particular frequency of power and control. We may even see and hear abuse tactics being used in relationships around us before the individuals in those relationships are, themselves, aware.
Understanding and Empathy: Survivors understand the abuse experience intimately. This allows us to empathize with other victims. By doing so, we are uniquely able to validate other victims.
CARE
Because of the compassion God has developed in us, survivors are typically compelled to action. Within the contexts of our interpersonal relationships, we will find many opportunities to care for those affected by abuse. I’ll describe three possible care options:
Prayer: Abuse survivors are personally acquainted with the unique set of hurts, concerns, and losses that come as a result of abuse. This experiential wisdom enables us to pray for other victims in a purposeful and powerful way.
Comfort: Because of the comfort we’ve received from God during our own seasons of suffering, we are now equipped to comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:3-7). We do this, not as outsiders speaking on a topic we’ve merely considered from a distance, but as survivors who’ve been there, done that, and found God to be exactly who He said He would be through it all.
Burden Bearing: Survivors don’t only battle against flesh and blood but against this present darkness (Ephesians 6:12). We know from experience that abuse victims need not only physical and practical assistance but soul support as well. When the overwhelming weight of oppression is too much for one person to bear, we can come alongside them to bear their spiritual burdens for and with them until they are strong enough to carry them alone (Galatians 6:1-5).
CONFRONTATION
As we are filled with compassion and are engaged in various caring ministries, we may also be called to confront the evils of abuse in our churches, families, and local communities. Interpersonal opportunities for confrontation may include:
participating in abuser interventions,
advocating on behalf of victims,
educating churches or community organizations in the dynamics and impacts of abuse, or
engaging your local officials as they develop systemic solutions and government responses.
Once our eyes have been opened to the evil of abuse, we cannot unsee or unlearn what we’ve come to know all too well. Our abuse stories are forever part of us but thankfully God can and will redeem them for a greater good. As you consider the ways in which God may be leading you to interpersonally leverage your survivor story, consider the following reflection questions:
How has God redeemed my abuse experience to grow in me compassion for the abused? How might I utilize my particular awareness and understanding of abuse as well as the recognition and empathy they’ve produced to serve others?
Who around me is lacking care? Are they in need of prayer, comfort, or someone to bear their spiritual burdens? If so, what are one or two practical ways I can begin to meet those needs?
Where am I seeing the injustice of abuse go unchecked within my circles of interpersonal influence? Do I have a relationship that would warrant my involvement or a voice that will be heard in this particular interpersonal context? If so, what might be a first step to take toward the parties requiring confrontation?
Remember, these interpersonal opportunities will be most effectively stewarded in light of the personal experiences I’ve already written about here. Without acknowledging and processing the personal effects of God’s redemptive work throughout your own survivor narrative, interpersonal opportunities like the ones I’ve listed above can easily be motivated by nothing more than a desire for vengeance, hatred, bitterness, control, or self-gratification rather than a desire for God’s glory and His redemptive good in the world. And those lesser motivations will not sustain you in the hard work of domestic abuse prevention or intervention and they won’t serve other victims well either. But if you are willing to do the essential work of mapping God’s redemptive movements throughout your story, your efforts to provide compassion, care, and confrontation when necessary will instead be sustained by a motivation that is glorious, eternal, and life-giving.
Next week I’ll be writing about the ways God may use survivor stories publicly.
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